hobotourism

Unhobotourism

Radiance of the Seas docked on Pier 28. Unfortunately, ticket prices far exceed the $1.50 you need for a bus ride.

The world's most awesome $3 picnic

Muni #76 on Sundays and holidays travels from 4th and king( giant's stadium) to the amazing Marin Headlands in Sausalito. These photos were shot low res on a phone but who needs an amazing camera when the scenery can make up for it.
Sfmta.com/76

Chrissy Field. The smudges are from the dirt on the bus window. Cleanup Muni.

The Nike Missile site to protect the US from the Soviets back in the cold war.

The headlands.

Driving back. The Golden Gate bridge from Sausalito.

The beach to the right is where we hung out all day.

Yerba buena gardens

#10 route
3rd and Howard
Sfmta.com/10
Other attractions on the route include sfmoma, currently displaying the frida exhibit.

Ganesh?

This is a sculpture of Ganesh made from a tree's root. Found in Stow Lake, golden gate park.
Route:t train

How to ride the bus like a New Yorker

You wouldn’t think something as simple as riding a bus warrants a 500 word post. Well, you’ll be surprised how many pitfalls you can avoid by reading a few tips. I wish I knew this stuff before getting on the MTA.   

Always flag down the bus
Bus drivers don’t usually stop unless you let them know it’s their bus you want to get on. You could be waiting for a different bus or a cab or a blind date. Who knows what your agenda is?  So why leave room for doubt. Reach your arm out and wave. It’s not that hard.   

Carry a metra card
You can pay cash on the bus, but the last thing you want to do is fumble around for change while the bus driver drums his fingers on the steering wheel. New Yorkers are an impatient lot. It’s part of their culture, so let’s respect that. You can get a Metra card at any subway station. And for every twenty dollars you get a two dollar bonus.

Practice how to insert the card
The yellow side of the card should always face upwards. And it should be inserted into the machine in the direction of the arrow. The instructions are all on the card, but I made the stupidity of not reading them. I had to face the embarrassment of coming across as a dum dum in front of the driver⎯who after rolling his eyes many times ⎯finally turned my card around and inserted it for me.

Go for the single seats
They’re on your right as soon as you enter the bus. It’s your only chance to avoid sitting next to a chatty aunty from Queens or a woman with a whiny kid on her lap. I don’t have a problem with that, but if you prefer to appreciate the sights of NYC in solitude (that’s why you’re riding the bus, right?), it’s better to just sit by yourself. Also while taking the tour, I’ve observed that the views are better when you sit on the single seaters anyway.

Take advantage of the two hour rule
When you get on the bus with your metra card, you can get off and get on as many times as you want within a two hour window. If you don’t have a card, then refer tip #1. (or ask for a transfer ticket)

The bus is more flexible at night
Between 10pm and 4am you can ask the bus driver to stop anywhere you want. The rules say they’re supposed to let you get off anywhere as long as it’s safe to do so. And they're usually good about that.

If you take pictures, turn off the sound
The constant ‘chachik’ sound from the digital camera or phone may annoy fellow passengers. Did I mention New Yorkers are an impatient lot? So use the menu on your digital camera and turn off the unnecessary sound (they have no other purpose other than making digital cameras to sound as cool as their film counterparts.)

Don’t panic
Sometimes the bus driver will stop the bus in the middle of his route, apologize, then ask everyone to get off and take the next bus (which is usually following right behind). There’s probably a valid reason for this random behavior. I never got a chance to find out. Maybe you'll have better luck.

So that's really it. If I missed anything please let me know. Enjoy!

Broadway Hit (M6 Tour)

Hi I'm Chris Avery, I'm going to be your guide. If it's your first time in New York, this tour will give you a good snapshot of New York City. We'll begin at Central Park where you'll board the bus. The bus will ride along Broadway for the entire trip and I promise you'll see plenty of tourist attractions along the way. Times Square, Herald Square, Empire State Building, Madison Square Park, Union Square, City Hall, Ground Zero, Wall Street, and finally end at South Ferry Terminal. The final stop is a short walk to the southern tip of Manhattan where you'll get unobstructed views of the statue of Liberty. If you're feeling adventurous, you can even board the Staten Island ferry. It's free. Or I'll guide you to the subway station from where you can get back to your hotel. But we'll get to that later.

An empty bus will arrive at 6th Avenue and 59th Street. 59th Street is also known as Central Park South. The stop is across from the Trump Parc Hotel. Wait at the bus stop. By that I mean the pole with the sign that says M6. from where the driver can see you flagging him down. Even though this is where the bus starts, you need to let the driver know you want to board. Sometimes the hand rickshaw drivers and horse buggies may distract you. Bus drivers aren't used to people boarding at the first stop. Well hobotourism is going to change that isn't it?

Sometimes the bus may be parked at the stop. Ask the driver if it's the M6 and board.

The bus will take a left onto Broadway. The first major landmark is the Andrew Carnegie Hall. The big brown building.Inside it's very ornate. If you can sing at the Andrew carnegie Hall, it means you've made it.

Times Square

This may sound retarded but I never knew this but Times Square was named after New York Times. Their offices used to be at one Times Square. You'd think a New Yorker would know something like that. But I was clueless for many years and so were a lot of my friends. 

Herald Square

Empire State Building
I don't think there are too many places from Midtown or Manhattan from where you can't spot this building. If you have a lot of time, feel free to buy passes and make a trip to the observatory. I did that once and promise never to do it again. The lines are long and there are three of them. If you want a birdseye view of Manhattan, go to Rockefeller center instead. Less people.

Madison Square Park
The next will be the intersection of Broadway and Fifth Avenue. Broadway is at an angle so it intersects a lot of Avenues. You'll see the Madison Square park to your left and the Flatiron Building to your right or straight ahead from outside the windshield. The best ting about this park is the shake shack. The cheeseburgers are awesome, But there's always a line.

Flatiron Building

A bit about the Flatiron Building. It's a building shaped like an iron. I don't know what moron came up with that. All I want to say is if I if I worked in the Flatiron Building, I wouldn't want the corner office.

Union Square
The bus will take left. The Barnes and Noble to your left. That used to be my favorite Barnes and Noble before I moved. Like a lot of business establishments in New York, you need to request a key to use the toilet. Well Barnes and Noble requires a token. Tough place, New York.

There's the W at Union Square. If you ever need to pee, there's a restroom on the ground florr past the reception to your left. It's a big red door. Just hang out at the lobby for a few minutes. Sit down, act like you're on the phone waiting for a guest, then slip in. Peeing in style.  There is a Statue of George Washington. If you ever need a train to go anywhere in Manhattan start at Union Square. Remember that if you ever get lost. Lots of street musicians hang out at Union Square. I suspect a lot of them are from Williamsburg, the artsy fartsy neighborhood in Brooklyn. It's conveniently connected by the L train from Union Sqyare and only 3 stops or 8 minutes away. You'll also see another Virgin Megastore.

Houston
This is Houston. SOHO is South of Houston. So prepare to see art galleries and pretentiously named clothing Stores like Soho Lab or some shit like that.

Canal Street
After SOHO it's Canal Street. This is a busy street. Man look at all those people. South of Canal Street, Broadway cuts the neighborhood into Chinatown to your left and Tribeca to your right. Tribeca is short or Triangle Below Canal Street. There's a huge income disparity between the two neighborhoods. This becomes more apparent when you enter a restaurant. At the Big Wang restaraunt lobster season, you can order two lobsters cantonese style for 18 dollars. 18 dollars. At the Bouley in Tribeca which is a fancy pants French establishment, a lobster is market price which is upwards of 100 dollars. Tribeca is the most expensive real estate in the world. If you are in the mood for lobster, The Big Wang is at Mott and Bayard. 

City Hall
This is like the Capitol Hill of New York City. Plenty of courts and government buildings. You'll get a glimpse of the Supreme Court to your right. And then city Hall park. The fountain is nice. Not like a cool European Fountain, but good enough for New York.

Ground Zero
If you look to your right, you'll will get a few glimpses of ground zero. We are one street away so to get a better a better view, you will have to get off and walk to the observatory. If you want the best view,get off and forward to the end of the tour where I'll give you directions to the observatory. Or else lets keep riding. The large glass structure is the Winter Garden.

Trinity Church
To your right is Trinity Church. This church was designated an National Historic landmark for its architectural significance. When it was built in 1846, it's neo gotic spire dominated Manhattan's Skyline. Now it's the trump tower.

Wall Street
To your left right after the Borders bookstore is Wall Street. Cars aren't allowed. 15 trillion dollars are exchanged on this street evertday. Soon you will see the Wall Street bull which is the symbol of capitalist America. It's fun to watch tourists pose with the bull. Some people sit on it's back. I've seen people taking pictures while tickling its balls.

South Ferry Terminal
Once we clear of all the buildings, you'll get a glmpse of the Huson. We are at South Ferry Terminal which is our last stop. This is where the Atlantic divides into the Hudson to your right and the East rives to your left. South Ferry Terminal is where you can catch the ferry to Staten island.

You can also go to the Bolwing Green station from here. Its inside the the South Ferry Terminal so keep walking south. The metra card you used on the bus will allow one transfer.

Other notes
You may feel the temptation to get off at a few places
The bus will slow down to a crawl a few times. Have patience. Just relax and enjoy the slowess. It's easier to get pictures from a slow moving bus
Better still keep that camera away. You're not gonna get any pictures too different from whats on the Hobotourism website.
Crossing the street.

M20

Hi my name is Caroline Salzman. I'm going to join you on this tour so we can have a wonderful chat about all the wonderful stuff you're about to see during this ride. By that I mean, I'll talk, you'll listen. So hope i get your undivided attention, which I never get from my boyfriend... he's such as assho...okay let's not to get into that. I promise this isn't going to be about me.

This tour begins near the Lincoln Center at 63rd Street and Broadway, West of Central Park and ends at the Southern tip of Manhattan. Bowling Green. The tour is about 60 minutes. When you get off the bus, you'll be only a few yards away from the Hudson river. From that point, you'll get clear unobstructed views of the Statue of Liberty. And once you're done gawking at the lady, I'll guide you to a subway station so you can get back to your hotel or dorm room. So lets begin.

I'm assuming you're at the Lincoln Center Stop. It's the If you decided not to board at the starting point, you can forward to any five points within this tour.

So again, lets assume you've started at the beginning. Near the Lincoln Center. Briefly, the Lincoln of Performing Arts is home to the New York Philharmonic, the New York Opera, the New York City Ballet and nine other arts organizations. The building you see close to the bus stop is the Avery Fisher Hall, home of the New York Philharmonic. The bus stop on Broadway is right in front of the AAA office and the NYSC sports club. Wait there for the bus. And when it comes, flag it down, like you would hail a cab. If you don't, the driver will not stop. If you haven't noticed, New Yorkers are always in a hurry.

Don't start the tour by pissing off the driver. Insert your metra card correctly. The yellow side should face you. Arrows at the bottom.  I made this mistake twice. Hey, I got nervous. Keep calm. Don't let the driver intimidate you. He drives a bus. What's his problem anyway?   

When you look for a seat, skip the first few. They're for the handicapped.  Grab one of the single seaters to your right. They're are my favorite. The view is better and I'm guaranteed I won't share the seat with some smelly drunk who wants to lech at my tits.

Okay so we're on our way now. Feel free to pause or skip ahead based on where the bus is. Now I'm guessing you're next to Columbus Circle. That's Christopher Columbus standing on top of that column. It's the closest New York gets to the Trafalgar Square in London.

The monument was created by Italian sculptor Gaetano Russo, is the point at which distances to and from New York City are measured. It was erected in 1892 to commemorate the 400th anniversary of Columbus' first voyage to the Americas. Columbus is made of marble. And he stands atop a 70-foot granite column decorated with bronze reliefs representing Columbus' ships: the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria, just to refresh your history. Personally, I think the native Americans discovered America long before. I mean, they were already living there. That's gotta count right? To add to the pomposity, the monument's pedestal features an angel holding a globe.

The glass building to the right of Columbus Circle is the Time Warner Center if you do care at all. I don't. As the bus curves the bend towards seventh avenue, you'll also get a glimpse of Trump International Hotel and Tower. Aah..Mr. Trump. You gotta love that guy. 

As we proceed we'll get closer to all the tourist attractions (or shall we say traps) along 7th avenue.

Times Square and 42nd Street

Greenwich Village; 7Av and 42nd Street

Greenwich village: Canal and Varick

Battery Park City: Liberty Street and South End Avenue

Look around you. You're in Battery park city. There's a 95% chance you'll spot a dog or a baby. This part of town is dog and kiddy heaven. Don't expect to find a cool musician at a bar. Wait there are no bars. Maybe a couple. They're mostly traders or bankers working in the World Financial Center surrounding you.

Battery Park City: Battery Place and little West Street

Okay so looks like the bus is taking a left. That huge construction to your right. That's Ground Zero. Yes, it's a really huge hole in the ground. Don't stand up. You'll look a dorky tourist.

The bus will take a left onto Vesey. This could be a long wait if you catch the stop light. So relax and look around. Did it make a turn yet? If it did, you're about to see some pretty pricey condos. Just after the two stopsigns. Yes that place Verdesian, rent for two bedroon apartments start at $4500.

Okay now we're heading staright. That's th Stuyvesant Hih Svhool. It's a really good public school, where all the rich tribeca kids go. Oops did I mention we're in Tribeca. Triangle Below Canal. Home of robert. De Niro and that film festival.

If your bus has taken a left, we are now  back on West Side Highway. That's the Hudson to your left and Newport, New Jersey across the river. But who cares about Jersey. You're probably going under the Manhattan Community college right now.

After yaffa's on Greenwich, we take a left onto Hudson. You'll head towards the entrance to the Holland tunnel which takes you straight to Jersey. Can you see the huge signs. And probably traffic. Another reason not o visit Jersey.

We're still in Tribeca. It's short for Triangle Belo Canal. But it strangely extends past Canal upto 4th street. To the right is SOHO. South of Houston. New Yorkers will snap and correct you if you say "Hwuston" Sometimes I just say it to piss people off.

Okay so now we're on 8th avenue. If you crossed 4th street, we are now in the West Village.

Ditch the tacky tour bus. New York’s public transport will give you a more authentic view of the city. Pick an mp3 as your guide and get on board.  

BROADWAY HIT (M6 TOUR)                                         Download Broadway.zip

Check out the famous landmarks along Broadway with this crash course on NYC.

THE DANGEROUS HARLEM TOUR (M5 TOUR)                Download harlem.zip

Some morons still think Harlem is dangerous. That's how this tour got its name.

OH, AND DON'T FORGET BROOKLYN (B51 TOUR)         Download brooklyn.zip  

Forget tourists, 8 million New Yorkers have never visited this awesome borough.

Have you tried the tours? Did they work out for you? Tell us your issues. We'll address them in newer versions.